You are “the one” you’ve been looking for

Let’s play a game (sounded very ‘Saw’ like, LOL)

You are in a room full of people. Everyone inside has a rating, the basis for which are unknown. No one can see their own or anyone else’s rating but everyone has their notions about these. To play the game all you need to do is socialize and make friends; this socializing will affect your rating and in the end the one with the maximum rating wins the game. Seems easy enough, right! But here’s the catch, your rating will depend on the friends you make, their rating will reflect on yours. So the trick is to always trade up and befriend people with a rating higher than yours.

Now a disclaimer, this game is not invented by me but rather by the combined musings of a famous TV show and an acquaintance. But yes, to give you the gist of the point I am trying to make here, when you approach someone during the game, it’s a very obvious assumption, by them and others watching, that your rating is lower than the person you’ve approached.

Figuratively speaking, life is somewhat like this game. Everybody wants to befriend the popular girl/guy. They may not have any qualities that justifies their popularity but only that they are coveted by most. What in the game is approaching and befriending someone, in real life is being too available, too forgiving and overvaluing others. Every time we do this, we in essence degrade ourselves. And all would be good if this self abasement would actually result in something good; well, it doesn’t. The very things we do to avoid certain results, lead us into those exact situations. It is this self-debasement that makes people take us for granted, makes us insecure; ultimately rendering relationships unfeasible. The voice in our head tells us we are not good enough. We confuse self respect with ego and justify being taken for granted in our head.

The inherent need for companionship, to rid ourselves of loneliness, fear of being replaced by our loved ones, fear that you will not be happy or will not be able to handle it, if that someone leaves, these are just some reasons that push us into this vicious cycle. The root cause of all these is lack of self esteem, self respect, self confidence & self love. We don’t consider ourselves good enough to be indispensable. And the moment there is a perceived threat we go on the defensive, making things even worse. And where we might be quick to defend others if they treat themselves this way, when it comes to ourselves we are harsh.

We fail to comprehend the simple yet complicated fact that our capacity to love others is limited only by our capacity to love ourselves. We don’t trust ourselves enough to make us happy, but are quick to entrust our happiness to someone else. Little do we realize that when you place your happiness in someone else’s hands, they will drop it, they will drop it every time. It may be deliberate or unintentional on their part but it will happen nonetheless. The most capable hands for this are your own and when you go through life’s lows, your hands will be the only ones capable of changing that.

WE need to love ourselves like someone we love. WE need to be responsible for our state of mind. WE were born with everything we need to find fulfillment. WE, WE, WE….. I know this sounds extremely clichéd but that doesn’t make it any less true. Love yourself, trust yourself, because you have to spend the rest of your life with yourself, so stop fighting this internal war; YOU are “the one” you’ve been looking for.